Hogwarts and my Oc's read My Immortal
by AudienceofDeath
Summary: Up until chapter 9 is a re-post of the story which was taken down because my computer is defective. So this is Hogwarts and my OC's reading the infamous My Immortal so enjoy I hope. Note: no owls were harmed in the making of this reading-except for Hedwig who was canon raped by Tara and ended up being a "hot goffik bi guy". Rated T cos no kids should have their brain cells fried.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so my computer is fucked up ****and crashed and I had to get it fixed at IT and they are incompetent beyond belief so they wiped the whole thing and stuck it on the factory settings which erased any chrome data I hadn't back up including this being posted so this is my re-post. And because I'm a piece of shit and far too lazy to edit the old crap out of my chapter all my notes will still be there. Either way enjoy and I'm sorry about the story being deleted.**

**SUP INTERNET PEOPLE. So this is my amazing OC's (who for the purpose of this story will be students at Hogwarts) and the Harry Potter characters reading My Immortal the infamous work of Tara (Enoby) Gilesbe AKA XXXbloodyrists666XXX or the greatest Mary Sue of all time. Also if you must no about my OC's check their profiles. I'm going to aim for an update a week and one chapter per update but that could prove to be a little tricky so we'll see. My OC Kenna will be in Ravenclaw, Lucia will be in Gryffindor, Tye will be in Hufflepuff and Jess and Joe will be in Gryffindor as well. Just letting you know that for the purpose of comedy we are going to pretend Harry Potter was written very recently. Also they are in no specific grade as that would involve an extensive amount of research on my part and would take all the fun out of this. DEAL WITH IT.**

**Disclamer: I do not own My Immortal (thank god) or Harry Potter. I only own the chinese food. (me to me: nice going creep them all out before they've even started reading.**

**Me to me: YOU'RE THE ONE CREEPY THEM OUT)**

Harry yawned. They were in transfiguration (or as you goffs might call it biology) and as far as Harry could tell they would NOT be doing anything remotely interesting this lesson. McGonagall was just about to write yet another mind numbingly boring sentence on the board when the magic equivalent of an intercom flickered on.

"Could all students and faculty please make their way to the great hall immediately."

There were groans as all the students stood up and pushed towards the door.

Once in the great hall the students all made their way to their usual spots. When everyone was seated a the librarian oozed her way over to the podium. She placed on it a brown volume that judging by the red spots had been left out in care of magical creatures. Black writing on the cover proclaimed My Immortal. Also on the cover was an image depicting a bleeding wrist.

After the librarian had retreated to her seat Umbridge walked up to the podium.

"This diary was found on a library shelf" Umbridge squawked gesturing to the book "The author is unknown student here."

"We got dragged out of class for this" Hermione muttered to herself.

"If the owner of this diary does not come forth immediately I will begin to read their diary."

Everyone glanced around as Umbridge waited for someone to confess the diary was in fact theirs. Much to Umbridge's delight no one admitted the diary was theirs.

"We'll begin shall we" she smiled.

"**Chapter 1**." Umbridge read leaving half the occupants of the hall wondering why in Merlin's name a diary would be sorted into chapter.

"**AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven**," Umbridge pretend to actually know what the words meant and squinted at the book to read the next word "**bloodytearz666**"

This was met with a few raised eyebrows. Umbridge continued unaware her audience was barely listening and instead trying to figure out who had written such a ridiculous piece of literature.

"**4 helpin me wif da story and spelling**."

"She had help with the spelling" asked Luna. Umbridge ignored her and kept reading

"**U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!**" Umbridge struggled to read the last sentence much to the delight of all the students.

"**Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way**"

Everyone tried to figure out if the new anyone by that name.

I have long ebony black hair

"Isn't ebony black anyway" Jess asked. Her answer was a chorus of "yes" from the Ravenclaw table.

"**(that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)**."

"I have a feeling she doesn't actually look anything like this Amy Lee" Kenna muttered.

" **I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major** well now that some strong language **hottie**."

Seamus gagged.

"Eeew" Groaned a few hufflepuffs.

"So she wants to be insest" Ginny asked.

One Hufflepuff first year who was unfortunate enough to know what insest meant and to have an overactive imagination made a desperate run for the bathroom.

"**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen)**."

This narrowed down the possible owners to a seventh of the school.

"Does anyone else care that Hogwarts is in Scotland not England" Hermione asked. No one cared.

"**I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.**"

"TMI" Jess and Joe called out.

"**I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about**."

"That's impossible" A Ravenclaw called out.

"**A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**"

"What's a prep" asked Neville Longbottom.

"**Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!**

All eyes turned to Malfoy.

"I've never met her" Malfoy reassured the school. Not that it would help in a few chapters time.

"**What's up Draco?" I asked.**

**"Nothing." he said shyly.**

Everyone besides the Slytherins sniggered.

**"But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.**

**AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!"**

"Fangs?"

"She has friends" one Slytherin asked.

"Well does the owner want to come forward now" Umbridge asked. No one moved.

"I guess we'll just have to read more" Umbridge turned back to the book.


	2. Chapter 2

"**Chapter 2**." Umbridge read out gleefully.

**"AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!"**

"People were flaming this THE HORROR" Kenna commented with more than a hint of sarcasm. A few muggle borns with experience in online literature Sniggered.

**The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had."**

Half the school gagged. The other half cried out "Eeeww."

**My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.**

Anyone who hadnt already agreed that this was more than anyone needed to know changed their minds and vowed to never go within 20 meters of a Hot Topic store.

**My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)**

This gave everyone a new identity to uncover.

"I'm confused is it Raven or Willow"

**woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.**

"You would have thought she'd open her eyes first" muttered Fred.

**She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)**

**"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.**

"Who would actually use omfg in a conversation" Ginny remarked.

**"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**

**"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.**

**"No I so **Harshwords** so don't!" I shouted.**

**"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.**

Malfoy attempted to make himself as unnoticeable as possible.

**"Hi." he said.**

**"Hi." I replied flirtily.**

"That is sickening" Joe pointed out.

**"Guess what." he said.**

**"What?" I asked.**

**"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.**

**"Oh. My. Um. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**

**"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.**

**I gasped.**

"She gasped" Lucia muttered "She GASPED."

"She better say NO" Malfoy murmured to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

"**Chapter 3**." Umbridge was determined to get the author of this diary to show themselves. The student body however had more or less decided that it was nothing more than a shit piece of fanfiction.

"**On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**"

malfoy gulped if she was getting ready then that meant she said yes

**I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC."**

"How can she talk about slitting her wrists so casually" Ginny asked.

A few of the more squeamish students had made a run for the bathrooms.

"I think I'm gonna be sick" Kenna said racing towards the door.

**I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.**

A few sniggers broke out mainly from the gryffindor table and all eyes flickered towards Malfoy.

"Didn't this chick say she was in seventh year" Malfoy asked incredulously trying desperately to regain what dignity he'd lost.

**I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner**

"WHAT" Malfoy yelled "I have NEVER worn eyeliner."

Harry laughed picturing Malfoy in eyeliner

**(AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).**

"Yeah No" Joe shook his head.

**"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.**

**"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.**

"She obviously has no knowledge of what drugs you actually smoke" remarked one muggle born Gryffindor.

**When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.**

**"You come in cold, you're covered in blood**

**They're all so happy you've arrived**

**The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom**

**She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).**

"That is possibly the worst song I have ever heard" Ron muttered pulling a face.

"And Ebony doesn't da lyrics to it" Jess and Joe singgered. They really were very immature. And it was only going to get worse.

**"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.**

**Suddenly Draco looked sad.**

"And here we go" Malfoy groaned "this is going to get worse before it gets better."

"IF it gets better" Jess yelled at him from the Gryffindor table.

"**What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.**

**"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.**

**"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.**

"Could that be any more out of character" wondered a Slytherin third year.

**"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary quite a few inappropriate words in there" I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.**

**The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!**

"Trying to face your fears Malfoy" the twins called out. This was followed by an outburst of laughter.

"I'm telling you this never happened" Malfoy told Umbridge.

"The written word would suggest you are lying mr Malfoy" Umbridge glared.

"I'm not" Malfoy cried indignantly "whoever wrote that is the one who's lying."

"If you are so sure that this is all fiction" Umbridge smiled rather like a cat that was about to murder a mouse "then you won't mind reading out the next chapter."

**Yeah I know having Malfoy read out this next chapter really original. But it works (sort of) and it's funny so YAY!**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter contains a vague lemon completely ignorant of basic biology. Just forewarning although I doubt it'll cause too much trauma unless you happen to be Malfoy.**

Malfoy stepped up to the podium and gulped. From the Gryffindor table Harry watched with glee as Malfoy began to read what would later be known as the chapter that birthed Enoby and made Malfoy want to run and hide. Hmm seems a little forced. Whatever I'm the author and I really cant be bothered to come up with anything else right now.

**"Chapter 4**." Malfoy read out "Do I have to read this ridiculous AN thing?"

"YES" yelled the whole of the student body with the exception of the Hufflepuffs in the bathroom throwing up.

**AN: I sed "stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!**" Malfoy read with any actual knowledge of what he was reading.

A few muggle borns and half bloods with knowledge of fanfiction terminology counted up the various Mary Sue qualities and decided that she was in fact possibly the biggest Mary Sue ever created. Everyone else ignored the Mary Sue part and decided that from now on the would call Ebony Enoby.

**DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!** So not ok" Malfoy muttered before he continued on reading this insult to fanfiction.

**"DRACO!" I shouted.** "What the Ah what do I do about the F-bombs" Malfoy asked eyeing the parchment.

"JUST READ IT" yelled out you Gryffindor who was sure Malfoy was about to get thoroughly embarrassed. How right that Gryffindor was.

**What the eff do you think you are doing?**"

**Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.**

"I wish you could just walk out of a flying car" Ron muttered. Harry nodded in agreement.

**"What the eff-ing hell?" I asked angrily.**

**"Ebony?" he asked.**

**"What?" I snapped.**

**Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.**

"Cos that's so normal" Ginny muttered.

"Sorrow and evilness always makes me feel happy" Hermione added with extra sarcasm sprinkles.

**And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.**

"WHAT" Draco choked "I DID WHAT."

From somewhere in a large cluster of Gryffindors came the sound of Harry laughing so hard he was sure he'd piss himself (sorry if that offends anyone).

"Go on" Umbridge said to Malfoy. she sounded like on would if the were coaxing a mouse into a mouse trap.

**Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree."** Malfoy half whispered. Jess was right he did NOT see this getting better anytime soon.

"Keep going" yelled a voice from somewhere down the back of the hall who didn't identify himself to Malfoy until long after they graduated.

**He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.**

The hall erupted into laughter. Even the Slytherins set aside the respect for Malfoy and fear of his father to laugh long enough that tears started streaming down their faces. The only person who wasn't Malfoy seemed unamused by this awful lemon was Hermione.

"That is not the proper terms" she muttered "or the right way to describe it. She quickly realised what she'd said and shuddered.

"If I ever find out who this Enoby is I will kill her" Malfoy muttered to himself as he spied Harry rolling on the ground and laughing so hard he could barely breathe. After the hall quieted down and everyone wiped the tears from theirs eyes Umbridge instructed Malfoy to continue. And so without any of his dignity remaining Malfoy continued reading the mutilated english that is My Immortal.

**"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.**

"EEEEWWW TMI" yelled Jess and Joe from the Gryffindor table.

"Your telling me" Malfoy muttered before going on the read the next famous sentence.

**And then….**

Malfoy struggled to think of a way to censor the next sentence. He gave up and decided to just read it.

**"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"**

**It was….Dumbledore!**

Dead silence.

After at least ten seconds of absolutely no sound or movement (not even the wind dared to blow) the hall erupted into helpless laughter. Starting with the seventh years then everyone else. Many of the students fell on the floor they were laughing so hard. Even Malfoy got over the shock of the awfully written lemon long enough to manage a good laugh. (a little out of character I know but seriously how could you not laugh).

Umbridge waited until Malfoy could stand properly before instructing him to go back to his seat. She then waited for the hall to quieten down before she continued herself all the while losing faith in her own sanity and her certainty that this was a diary.

**Ok so sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes made in this chapter previous chapters and any chapters to come. I will at some stage go back and fix any of MY errors but it would frankly be far too exhausting to even contemplate fixing any of Tara's. Two more things before the end of this note.**

**1) I would like to thank hpluver394 for following and favoriting, Nobaba for following and reviewing and Moonfruit Infusion for reviewing.**

**2) In a couple of chapters time Umbridge will lose faith in My Immortal being a diary and allow the students to leave they will read a few chapters themselves then I have a few other idea's but any input would be greatly appreciated. If I use your idea I will mention you in a note because I like giving credit where it's due. THANK YOU FOR READING. It can only get better unless of course your Malfoy.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning this chapter contains incredible ooc-ness. If that irritates you go find Tara and tell her.**

**"Chapter 5.**" Umbridge read to the hall. One student was brave enough to say what they had all been thinking for chapter 1.

"Why is it divided into chapters if it's a diary?"

Umbridge glared and continued reading oblivious to the fact that a quarter of the hall had left to throw up. Needless to say that it was mostly first years and hufflepuffs.

**AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok**

"I hardly call a headache a sufficient reason for swearing at students" Lucia said.

**an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!**

"I've never heard of a revoiw before" Jess mused.

"It must be Jamaican" Joe nodded.

**Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him.**

"This is an assault on the ears" Hermione groaned burying her head in her hands.

**He kept shouting at us angrily.**

**"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.**

**I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face**.

"Tears of blood?"

"Yeah Fred she gets them from her bottle of blood" Gorge laughed.

**Draco comforted me.**

Malfoy facedesked.

"That's going to leave a mark" Seamus sniggered. Harry laughed. This 'diary' wasn't turning out so bad.

**When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.**

**"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.**

A few seventh year students who had thought of using the forest for the same purpose found themselves wondering if the would actually get caught.

**"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.**

McGonagall gasped as the hall started laughing yet again. After the shock McGonagall considered this epic insult and decided that if the chance ever presented itself she would use it.

**"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.**

**And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"**

Malfoy choked on air and turned a spectacular shade of red.

**Everyone was quiet.**

Everyone was laughing.

**Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."**

"Say WHAT" coughed Harry.

"I WOULD NEVER DO THAT" Snape yelled. Although who he was yelling at was unclear.

**Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.**

**"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.**

**"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.**

"I thought she was going to bed" Ginny frowned.

**When I came out….**

**Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte.**

"I don't sing" Malfoy muttered.

"Prove it give us a tune" the twins called. Malfoy growled.

**I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.**

"Professor" Hermione asked hesitantly raising her hand "I don't think this is meant to be taken seriously."

Umbridge was thinking the same thing but wasn't going to say anything now a student had made a comment.

"We'll** read one more chapter and see" Umbridge said.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6. AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!**

"Maybe she'd get good reviews if she actually learned to write" Tye yelled for his seat at the Hufflepuff table.

**The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.**

"That cannot be healthy" muttered Lucia. Muggleborns agreed that their was some serious shit wrong with Enoby.

**In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.**

"BLOOD OVERLOAD" shouted the twins.

"Wow blood is red I didnt know" Harry muttered sarcastically.

**Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top**.

"WET SHIRT CONTEST" yelled Tye with a grin.

**"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.**

"I'd regret yelling at him to if he looked like that too" Ginny sighed. This was torture.

**He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick.**

Students whispered among themselves. Too much eyeliner and black lipstick was not a good look on ANY guy.

**He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.**

All eyes turned to Harry. Malfoy grinned.

**He had a manly stubble on his chin.**

Harry introduced his palm to his face.

**He had a sexy English accent.**

From around the hall came the sound of ooooh's and wolf whistles.

**He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.**

"Then why did she say it" Jess gasped in between laughs.

**"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.**

**"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.**

**"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.**

Harry made a strange noise much like one would expect a startled bird to make.

**"Why?" I exclaimed.**

"That is a very good question" Harry pouted.

**"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.**

Cue shudders and grossed out looks directed at Harry.

"I don't drink human blood" Harry defended "and I don't giggle."

The Weasley twins took this chance to make high pitched giggling noises.

**"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.**

**"Really?" he whimpered.**

**"Yeah." I roared.**

"That made absolutely zero sense" Lucia remarked as she tried to comprehend how exactly one could go from honest to impersonating a lion in the space of three words and a few pieces of punctuation.

**We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.**

"Why couldn't she have stayed with potter" Malfoy spat.

"Maybe she knew you were going to take her to the forest again Malfoy" Ron called out. Malfoy facepalmed at the memory of chapter 4.

"Well I think we've established that this is quite truly fiction" Dumbledore said getting up. Umbridge opened her mouth to protest but Dumbledore took the book out of her hands and sent her on her way. And that was the last anyone heard of My Immortal...until the next week.

**Thank you people who read and reviewed this story so far. It's moving pretty quick right now but exams are coming up so it will slow down a bit soon but I will try and get in at least two updates a week.**


	7. Chapter 7

For the next week My Immortal was no more than an amusing memory that hung at the back of the minds of all students except Harry and Malfoy. The joke was not likely to get old anytime soon. The Weasley twins kept turning the milk red and Jess and Joe had taken to carrying a yellow box that read count chocula at breakfast times. A few of the smarter students a found out how to play music with magic and had taken to conjuring the song "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte whenever they saw Malfoy.

Harry walked into the great hall on Saturday about nine days after the reading of My Immortal and sat down in his usual spot at the Gryffindor table. Nearby a Gryffindor senior was playing "I just wanna live". Fred and George were sitting opposite Harry, drinking glasses of milk they'd turned red and grinning at the passing students.

"Hey Harry" Joe smirked as he and Jess sat down setting their count chocula boxes on the table.

"Hey" Harry nodded.

"YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND IN THE COMMON ROOM" Lucia screamed running down the aisle. She thumped a brown book down onto the table.

"No way" Ron grinned as he looked at the book that now sat on the table. The black letters on the cover read My Immortal.

"Should we read it" Hermione asked.

"NO" Malfoy yelled over from the Slytherin table.

"YES" everyone else yelled over Malfoy.

"Who's reading" Tye asked coming to join them from the Hufflepuff table.

"I will" Kenna voletered. She got up from her spot at the Ravenclaw table and picked up the book as she sat down.

"**Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life**" Kenna read out.

"Oh god she's naming them now" Joe groaned.

"Shut up and let me read" Kenna snapped.

**AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!**

"Sounds like a mary sue to me" Tye muttered. Everyone agreed.

"Well actually considering the term is mary sue and she wrote marie sue she's actually right" Jess pointed out.

**Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).**

"Again because she spelt it wrong she's technically right" Jess sing-songed. Everyone shuddered at the thought of Ebony being right twice in a row.

**I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.**

"Well that makes me feel better" Harry commented. Students from other houses were beginning to listen in and laugh.

**I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.**

"No" Harry muttered dryly.

**Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…**

"She realised that the person she was with was absolutely nothing like me" Malfoy said darkly from the Slytherin table

**We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.**

"Cos that isn't completely contradictory" Jess muttered.

"This chick needs a dictionary" Joe sniggered.

**He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine**

"Wow wow wow back up" Ron said "she has a boys thingy?"

"Ron that's disgusting" Hermione exclaimed.

"All of you shut up I'm reading" Kenna yelled stomping her foot like a petulant two year old.

**he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)**

"Yes" Jess and Joe nodded "incredibly so."

**"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm.**

"I don't have any tattoo's" Malfoy interjected.

**It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words**

"Goffik" laughed the twins.

"Enoby" Jess and Joe yelled enjoying the amusing spectacle of Malfoy turning so red he looked like a party balloon.

"I bet it says MCR" called a Slytherin near Malfoy

**Vampire!**

Harry choked.

"What" he managed to cough.

**I was so angry.**

**"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.**

**"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.**

"Somehow I doubt that's possible" Lucia muttered.

**"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"**

**I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked.**

Malfoy attempted to facedesk (that was becoming his "thing" because the author thinks it's funny to imagine Malfoy beating his head with a wooden table) but forgot it was breakfast time and ended up with his face in his cereal bowl much to the amusement of everyone else in the great hall.

**He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.**

"I bet a you know what is a hairbrush" Fred said with a serious face "Malfoy would you mind showing us your hairbrush so we can see if it really is big."

Malfoy groaned and re-introduced his face to his breakfast.

**I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.**

**"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHEREfFFER!" I yelled.**

"See they re enacted chapter four right down to the motherfucker part" George said. He received a detention for swearing.

"If you all don't mind I'm never reading this monstrosity again" Kenna announced putting the book down on the table.

"Great then it's my turn to read" Lucia grinned.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

**AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep!**

"I have to say those AN's still don't make much sense" Luna mused.

"Shut up I want to hear what horrible situations she puts Harry in" Ron smirked.

"Thanks Ron your a mate" Harry muttered.

**Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.**

"Whaaaa" Malfoy coughed "I would never disgrace myself in such a way."

"No you only disgrace yourself against tree's" the twins singgered.

**"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.**

"How do you scream sadly" Hermione asked.

"Like this" Joe said. He pulled a demented sad face.

"It's not what you thiiiiink" he wailed. Malfoy sighed as the occupants of the hall dissolved into helpless laughter.

**My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly.**

One girl who was unfortunate enough to have the name Mary Smith cowered under the table hoping no one had noticed she was there.

**She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.**

"I would just like to point out that blood is not crimson" Jess said.

**She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.**

"Huh" Hermione stuttered.

**Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.**

Hermione sat like a deer caught in headlights as everyone laughed at just how wrong that description was.

**It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor.)**

Hermione's cry of "I'm not a satanist" drowned out Malfoys cry of "She's not welcome here."

**"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.**

**"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.**

"I thought she was going out with Malfoy not Harry" Ron said.

**Everyone gasped.**

"Why would anyone gasped at that" Fred frowned.

**I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart.**

Everyone turned (imagine it anime mechanical style) to face Malfoy who looked as if he had been hit upside the head by a bludger.

"EEEEEWWW" Harry screamed.

"See I knew she was going to do something awful to Harry" Ron gasped between laughs.

**He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now.**

"GOOD FRIENDS" shrieked Harry and Malfoy.

**He had gone through horrible problems,**

"I have now" Harry muttered

**and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)**

**"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.**

"I was never going out with Malfoy" Harry protested.

"We know" Ron said nodding understandingly. Harry pulled a face.

**"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco**

"Her masculinity" Jess and Joe frowned.

**and then I started to bust into tears.**

"What is it with this chick and busting into tears" Hermione asked.

"Forget that why can't she spell bursting" Kenna said.

* * *

**Ok so this is where we left off last time and I stopped posting and then the story was removed. Hopefully that won't happen again. Anyway form here on the chapters will be new and I will try to post at least once a week. Keyword: TRY.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Wow it's been ages. So this is the first new chapter since...whenever I first posted the previous chapter. So this will be a lot of stuff that's just going on after the book gets taken away yet again. It's still funny though I hope. Either way the book will come back so just bear with me and read this chapter just humor me. Anyway without further ado I present the first new chapter of Hogwarts and My OC's Read My Immortal.**

Before Lucia could start reading the next chapter the book was swept out of her hands by Professor McGonagall (or as Enoby most amusingly calls her Preacher McGoogle).

"That will be enough of this" she gave the book a disgusted look and went on her way presumably to incinerate My Immortal for crimes against everything and anyone one who has even heard of it.

"Well what do we do now" Ron asked. The day looked rather bleak and boring (almost like it would rain and snow at the same time and there would be no sun) without My Immortal to give them something to laugh at.

By morning tea however it was another story. Reenactments of the scenes from My Immortal were quite a common sight and outside by the lake some gryffindors were clustered around a car that a seventh year had conjured up. Harry, Ron and Hermione hurried over to see what was going on. Fred and George were in the driver and passenger seats respectively and were attempting to walk out of the car.

"What are you doing" Hermione asked Fred through the open window.

"I'm trying to walk out of the car" Fred grinned.

"I'm doing it curiously" George added. Harry laughed when he heard someone yell bastard form a few yards away. He turned to see a girl with ridiculously long hair colored awfully with black red and purple yelling a a boy with black hair more eyeliner than a cosmetic store and really over the top bloody vampire fangs. He watched in fascinated horror as they acted out Enoby and "Vampire" Potter's first encounter. At the end of the performance they two students bowed as the crowd that had gathered to watch clapped.

"This is nuts" Ron said looking around.

"I don't know it's pretty funny to me" Tye remarked from behind them.

"What's going on over there" Hermione asked pointing to a cluster of people yelling near the entrance to the school.

"Let's find out" Ron grinned.

They hurried over to find a girl dressed as Enoby following Malfoy around singing that "I just wanna live" song.

"LEAVE ME ALONE" Malfoy shrieked in frustration his voice cracking and his face turning beetroot red.

"I thought only tomatoes were that color" Luna remarked. Malfoy made a strange gurgling noise and stalked back through the doors to get away from the mob of students shrieking all manner of strange and disturbing things at him. However not even three steps into the hall he tripped on a large brown book. Malfoy let out a small shriek and scuttled backwards away from the book.

"Should we read it" Lucia asked eyeing the book.

"DIBS" Tye yelled running over to the book and opening it

* * *

**There you go I finally posted a new chapter. It was meant to be longer but I was taking ages to write it and I was out of ideas. I will hopefully make it up by posting the next chapter later today. But for now enjoy. I hope. Just don't judge this chapter too much it was never going to be that good. and leave a review or PM me if you have any ideas for any of the chapters.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok so it wasn't the same day but I have a legitimate excuse. I was watching Star Trek. But anyway once again they are reading THE BOOK (haha that amuses me). In previous chapters I sometimes have focused too much on one specific characters comments or mostly the OC's or mostly the students. I'm trying to get better at that though. And so the students of Hogwarts and AudienceofDeath's OC's bravely return to reading the infamous Harry Potter bad fic for your amusment.**

* * *

Tye sat on the bonnet of the car and waited with the expression of a mildly annoyed pre-school teacher as he waited for everyone wanting to listen to take and seat and shut up.

"**Chapter 9**." Tye announced.

**AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX**!

"Some how I really doubt that Snape actually has a religious view" Harry mused "and I am not a satanist."

"I was wondering if he'd get to that" Ron smirked.

**I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.**

"Well I don't know about you guys but I really needed to know that" Jess remarked with more than a little sarcasm. There were a few joking nods of agreement.

"Shut up" Malfoy snapped.

"You could always leave" muttered Kenna. Malfoy pretended not to have heard hoping the no one would notice and comment about the fact that he seemed slightly interested in the plotless story.

**Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!**

"I think we picked up that it was Voldemort" Ron interrupted "but I have to ask...what movie?"

His answer came in the form of confused shrugs by everyone gathered.

**"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.**

"She got it wrong" Hermione started but was silenced by Ron when he informed her that no one cared and could all tell for themselves that she had gotten it wrong.

"**Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.**

Tye frowned at the page and everyone else blinked in confusion. After a least a minute the silence was broken by Ron with a rather loud snort of laughter. He was soon joined in his hysterics by everyone who had ever had the bad luck to spend more than thirty seconds with Hermione's cat. Hermione glanced around at the giggling crowd with an affronted look which soon turned into a pout.

**I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.**

For some odd reason this seemed to amuse Jess and Joe to no end and they resumed rolling around on the ground laughing.

**"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"**

"Why is he speaking old english" Hermione frowned.

**I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.**

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little" Harry gagged.

**I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?**

"You don't say" over half the crowd muttered.

**"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.**

**Voldemort gave me a gun.**

"Why would she need a gun she's meant to be a witch isn't she" Lucia asked.

**"No! Please!" I begged.**

**"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"**

Malfoy found himself turning a light shade of pink at being reminded his role in the story.

**"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.**

"Oh you've got to be kidding it's like all she talks about" Hermione pointed out.

**Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.**

"I get that" Jess nodded "I've had that look on my face since chapter one."

Most of the gathered students agreed.

**"I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly.**

"I think she means telepathy" Hermione commented (I have no idea whether it's worth noting or not but when writing that line I imagined Cas (Castiel from Supernatural) saying it the same way he says "technically it's an overcoat" in the Ghostfacers meet Castiel video.)

**"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.**

"I honestly don't know what to make of that" remarked a Ravenclaw fifth year.

**I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.**

Malfoy found the light pink returning.

**"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"**

"A little casual don't you think" Fred commented.

"And too many exclamation points" Gorge replied.

**"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.**

The light pink tinge was darkening at steady pace till it became tomato red.

**"Are you okay?" I asked.**

**"No." he answered.**

**"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.**

**"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.**

The tomato red became beetroot red. Unfortunately for Malfoy this did not escape the notice of the students around him who started laughing.

"I wonder if it's actually possible to walk while making out with someone" Tye mused. He received several weird looks and was forbidden from reading the next chapter by Ron ho wanted another go.

* * *

**Actually in hindsight it wasn't that legitimate an excuse. I doubt it would make it any better if I said it was Next Generation. Hmmm lets find out. Comment to say whether or not watching Star Trek: Next Generation is a good excuse for not finishing and posting this chapter on the same day.**


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